Through my eyes

I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before. You know? Wanting to be with that person as much as I can. Loving things about them, that i never even knew I liked. Like the way their eyes look as the sun hits them. Or the way they look at you and smile. Playing with your hair or just kissing you on the forehead. Things that I’ve never cared about suddenly seem so huge to me. And that thought is totally scary! 

How do you know if that person loves you back? How do you know if when they do those things its because they love you? Do they enjoy spending those moments with you as much as you do? I know that what i am feeling is overwhelming. It’s so different because i really care about them. I really want us to work out. I guess the scarier part is not knowing if they want that too. 

I know that since I’ve dated him I have not stopped thinking. Sometimes I think so much about what I am doing and if I made the right move. Should I have taken the easy way out? Would he have been okay with that? Or would that have caused him some pain? Is it bad that i want the answer to be yes? But most of all why is everything so difficult? Why can’t it just be simple!?Why couldn’t I have meant him when his life wasn’t so busy? Why did he ask me to be with him when he knows we won’t have time? 

Or the biggest fear that I will be the one who gets hurt and no one else. Honestly I do not know if I enjoy or hate all the mixed emotions. Don’t get me wrong I love all my crazy ups and downs. It give me something to write about it makes life less boring. But I don’t wanna feel like I am the only one feeling this way. I don’t wanna feel in the dark….. I just wanna know something! Anything!